Behaviors such as hurting, hitting, shocking, name-calling, whining, crying, complaining, interrupting, controlling, insisting, yelling, bossing, and giving up can all be seen as communication.

Interactions play a crucial role in strengthening or destabilizing the foundation of revenge. Parents can either reinforce or counteract revengeful behavior through their responses.

• Notice Me, Involve Me: Simply acknowledge seeking behavior, trust the individual’s ability to wait, have patience, and encourage internal contemplation.
• Celebrate initiation & forward movement: Celebrate success and build confidence on their interests.
• Break steps down into small steps: Give attention as needed, point, direct vision, and demonstrate the attention seeking behavior.
• Encourage internal contemplation of success: Give choices, let them be part of it. Offer choices for autonomy, hold space for big emotions, and use less words.
• Acknowledge hurt feelings and validate them: Do not fight or give in. Acknowledge their emotions, stop hands from hurting, and show care through hugs and holding space.
• Notice: Giving attention when needed and respecting your responses.
• Power: Trust their ability to wait, have patience, and encourage internal contemplation of success.
• Revenge: Acknowledge hurt feelings, validate them, and be kind yet firm in response.

Lotus goal chart

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